Eli Roth Labeled "Too Old" By Lindsay Lohan

Director Eli Roth has vowed to "hit the botox" after Lindsay Lohan rejected him for being too old.

The 35-year-old was stunned to find himself and a pal being checked out by the starlet and her friend during a night out in Beverly Hills. But he was disheartened when Lohan cast him aside because of their 14-year age difference.

He writes on his blog, "I was having drinks with a friend at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other night, and Lindsay Lohan walked by our booth with a girlfriend, checking us out. She then went out to the bathroom, turned around, came back and walked by us again, and mumbled to her friend 'too old,' and kept walking."

He added, "Now - she's absolutely correct - but it was still pretty f***ing hilarious. Especially since we were in the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel - where the average age is 97. If you look too old in there you're fucked! Time to hit the Botox. Now I'm in bed with bronchitis from not getting enough sleep last week. Maybe Lindsay's right!"

Haha, its nice to see the way Lindsay's mind [allegedly] works -- so she hears there's a famous director sitting at a table and so she decides to strut her stuff, not just once, but twice! Then, having a change or heart decides to hone her skins on some other unsuspecting director/producer. You can only imagine what a day in the life of this Hollywood nymphet would be like.

Worst. Film. Ever!

Paris Hilton's latest film, The Hottie and the Nottie, has ranked dead last by users of IMDb.

The Hottie and the Nottie – with 2,190 low-star votes – now rests at the bottom of the IMDb user charts, even below the American Idol movie, From Justin to Kelly: With Love and Daddy Day Camp.

Four of five of the movies in which Hilton has had starring roles are ranked in IMDb's Bottom 100.

Hilton's one movie that shines, albeit dimly: 2005's House of Wax.

The Godfather, meanwhile, ranks as the best rated movie by IMDb users.

Paris Wants to Be Frozen

Sources are reporting that Paris Hilton has arranged for her and her two dogs to be cryogenically frozen after she dies, and then brought back to life in the future. Just as soon as they figure that kind of thing out.

The hotel heiress is keen to live forever and has invested a large sum of money in the world's biggest suspended animation cemetery, Cryonics Institute. She wants her body to be preserved and then brought back to life, along with her favourite pets, including her famous Chihuahua Tinkerbell and new mutt, Yorkshire Terrier Cinderella.

The Simple Life star said: "It's so cool. Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced. And if you're immediately cooled, you can be perfectly preserved. My life could be extended by hundreds and thousands of years."

Isn’t it nice to know that somewhere in the future people (again) will be guaranteed to be treated to more upskirts, nip slips, and immortal one liner’s like “That’s hot”. Or maybe Paris is just hoping that in the future they’ll have the cure(s) to her multiple STD’s? Ah Paris, what a humanitarian.

Blame It One Ambien

John Stamos has blamed Ambien for his behavior on a couple of Australian talk shows recently. John told Us Weekly that he barely slept before the interview and only got 2 hours of sleep.

He said, "I took Ambien at 5 a.m. and got up at 7 a.m. I was OK and did a few radio interviews. Then I had a break at 10 a.m. I dozed off and couldn’t wake up. Security banged on the door, shook me and woke me up. They threw a jacket on me and put me in front of the camera. I did three or four interviews after that, and no one said a word. It was a weird very out of character hour of my life."

John said it had nothing to do with booze and he's only had about 10 drinks in the past year. He also said that he got plenty of shit from his family and friends.
John was sent home from Australia after a few loopy interview including the one above.

He took Ambien for 2 hours of sleep? I think my dog even knows you need at least 8 hours. Genius John!

Britney's Concert Disaster

Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong at Britney Spears' concert at the House of Blues in Orlando on Saturday night.

We all know that Britney does not sing live, but the worst possible thing that could happen to a lipsyncher happened to Britney - her CD with her prerecorded vocals started skipping!!!

This happened not just once. Not just twice. But four to five times! During her performance of Do Something.

"Several people in the audience started booing," says one of our spies in attendance. "It was not pretty!"

Yet others in the audience started cheering, giving Britney some moral support. People bought tickets to see a trainwreck, washed-up former pop star and that's what they were getting!

"When the CD started skipping, she turned her back to the audience," says a spywitness, "Then when it stopped, she turned around with this look on her face like she was gonna puke!!! I really felt bad for her. Then the effin thing started skipping really badly again!!! And then again and again. It was crazy."

But that was not the only drama during the show. The problem was eventually fixed before moving on to the next song but if that wasn't embarrassment enough, Spears suffered another technical difficulty towards the end of her show. The headset microphone - that she clearly was not singing into - broke!

Says one witness, "She was rolling on the ground dancing and her face microphone broke and was hanging down at her neck... and she was embarrassed again!! So she tried to push it back up and it went up to her forehead... and then back down to her chest. I couldn't believe with a 5 second show that the whole effin thing fell apart!! What are the odds of that shit?!?"

Hahaha, consider it a sign britters. You can't do things half-assed and hope no one will notice.

Carmen Electra Takes A Tumble

All day I've been watching pics of Carmen Electra stacking it on a fashion runway - hoping, praying that there was some video footage. Alas, there is, and it's even funner than I had hoped.

Celeb vs. Celeb: Pimp Match up - O’Connell vs Valderrama

Okay, so here's a match up between two notable studs in Hollywood - Jerry O'Connell, and Wilma Valderrama. First, let's check out their hitlist (in no particular order) and then you decide who is the bigger stud.

Personally, I think Ass "Quality" rests with Jerry O’Connell, meanwhile Valderrama’s batch on the other hand is quite impressive as well - I mean popping Mandy Moore’s cherry has got to count for something?!?!

Jerry O’Connell’s Sexual Hitlist:
1. Sarah Michelle Gellar
2. Geri Halliwell
3. Rebecca Romijn
4. Giuliana DePandi (from E! News)

Wilmer Valderrama’s Sexual Hitlist:
1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Mandy Moore
3. Jennifer Love Hewitt
4. Ashlee Simpson

Here are a few pics of the girls in question:

Britney’s Backup Career

If Britney Spears' comeback doesn't go so well, she's got a backup career: phone sex operator!

Spears will send you, absolutely free, a pre-recorded story of your choice from MidnightFantasyBritneySpears.com. The promotional website for her latest fragrance, Midnight Fantasy, allows visitors to send a personalized voice message from Brit to a friend's phone or e-mail address.

Users can pick activities, gifts and nicknames from a list of pre-recorded words -- which come together to make a "fantasy." A fantasy in itself.

Tara Falls Down, Again.

Here we have Tara Reid walking on the red carpet, then Tara Reid falling on the red carpet. Yep, sounds about right to me.

Either she hasn't calculated the imbalance created be her new oversized breast implants, or walking just makes her brain hurt. Either way, it's Tara Reid, so it's not that unexpected.

I don't know the whole story behind this one, and I haven't bothered to check, but it looks as though Tara Reid has learned a lesson about stilleto heals and sand.

Britney Spears is Hopeless

Some people still deny that Britney Spears is completely useless, so maybe this video of Britney at a gas station will convince them otherwise. I hate to break it to you, but well, Britney's an idiot. She looks at the gas pump like an unfrozen caveman looking at fireworks. And you know it's pretty pathetic when Punjab and Mohinder who just crossed the border on a camel have to explain to an American millionaire that the buttons on the gas pump actually do something.

It gets even more interesting because you see her stop and use three more public bathrooms in the same night. I mean, people don't actually "use" public bathrooms do they? I thought they were just for heroin addicts and after-prom abortions... ah, the life of a pop princess.

Andy Dick Forcefully Removed Off Stage

The mildly amusing Andy Dick was a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live this past week, and after repeatedly touching (without permission) Ivanka Trump, was then booted from the couch and forcibly dragged off the set. Hahaha!!!

Kevin Federline Nationwide Insurance Commercial

Kevin Federline's Nationwide Insurance commercial has been released and I guess you gotta give the guy credit for being able to laugh at himself.